When you have twins or multiples, it might be tempting to treat them as a single unit. However, this is usually discouraged, with people saying you should not give them names that are similar, or dress them in the same clothes since you want them to be able to each develop their own personalities.

Usually your twins will end up becoming unique individuals all on their own, regardless of what you do. You can’t control your baby’s personality, no matter how hard you try. However, there are some things you can do to make it easier and more likely for them to develop unique personalities, starting with when they are infants.

Since you want them to become individuals, you really do need to treat them as individuals. You can start by arranging to spend time alone with each child. Unlike with children of different ages, who naturally tend to have different schedules, doing this with twins takes a little more work and planning. However, it is important to try your best to arrange this sort of time alone with you whenever possible.

It is helpful to avoid considering them as a single unit. This means you call them by name rather than simply saying “the twins,” although that might be quicker and easier to say. They are individuals and should be addressed as such to get this point across.

As twins are two separate children, they should each get their own punishments and rewards when they are deserved. Give rewards and punishments out only to the one who actually deserves them, or tailor the rewards and punishments toward what works best with each individual. Even if both were involved, they probably each played a different role and this needs to be acknowledged.

When twins start to get older they tend to develop some interests in common as well as some separate interests. Encourage these separate interests and don’t push them to do everything together. This will help them to develop their own uniqueness as well as their own friends separate from each other. It might complicate your scheduling, but it is important to give them the chance to pursue their own interests.

Twins tend to be their own best friends, but you want to encourage them to have other friends as well, and not necessarily the same friends. Schedule different play dates for them so that they each have a better chance to develop friends of their own. As mentioned above, separate activities give them more chances to make their own friends.

It can be hard to keep in mind that your twins are two separate people, and that they will each learn things in their own time. They will have different interests, and be good at different activities. You can’t expect them to get the same good grades in the same subjects, or to excel at the same sports. You need to make sure that you tailor your expectations to the individual, not the pair.

Because your children are different and you want to encourage this, it is important to point out how they are different in a good way. Praise each child for the things that he or she is good at that are different from those that the other is good at. Celebrate these differences.

Although it can be tempting to just keep one photo album or baby book for the twins, it is important to make sure that each has their own separate book for their memories. Try to take photos that include each child individually, and to preserve memories for each of them in writing as well. This can be hard, especially when it comes to identifying who was in which picture when you have identical twins. It might be wise to make a note when you take the picture of which child it is and what was happening.

All children also need to have their own belongings. This means that although you might have some toys that are meant for the two of them to share, you also have to have some items that belong only to one child or the other. They need to learn about respecting the belongings of others, as well as the need for privacy. These things are especially important as the twins get older.

Content guidance provided by Amy Hall, M.O.M (Mom of Multiples)