First of all, don’t allow comments from parents of babies that are close in age get to you.  They really do not know or understand that there are many differences in having babies close in age and having twins.  You will hear these comments from these parents and it will be easy to become irritated with them.  It will be much easier on you if you try to remember they do not have twins and they do not really know what it is like.  Most of the time they are simply trying to relate to you and offer assistance even though you know there are differences in the two situations.  There may be some difficulties (some worse and some not) with having two little ones of different ages, but it is still not the same as having multiples.  The following will describe some of these differences so you can better understand the situation.

First we will discuss the birth order dynamic and how the absence of said birth order affects twins, multiples and the whole family.  When children are born as singles and have siblings spread out by years, they are able to develop more naturally in personality and overall emotional development.  The birth order of children sets the standard of how parents and family treat them.  For instance, the oldest child typically takes on more responsibility and is usually afforded more freedom than their younger siblings.

Twins and multiples have no older or younger siblings (in the normal sense) to play off of, so they must be raised as individuals by the parents.  Sometimes parents of twins will differentiate between the birth orders of their babies, but this does not designate the same type of individuality that traditional birth order standards have set.  What makes this task even more difficult is that other family members, friends and even teachers tend to label and/or compare them as the smarter twin, the more mature twin and so forth resulting in stereotyping and comparisons.  While milestones between singleton siblings are not so strictly compared, twins are burdened with the expectation of reaching milestones at the same time.

Parents must combat and overcome this type of stereotyping and comparisons that are constantly present with twins and multiples.  It won’t always be easy, but it is the responsibility of the parents to take the opportunity to encourage, support and treat each twin as an individual to allow for their personal growth and development.  This means the parents must take time to spend one on one time with each child to maintain equality.  Most parents of twins find this to be a major challenge, but it can be done.  It helps when you have the help of the other parent or some family member.  For instance, Mom can spend time with one while Dad spends time with the other and vice versa.  It may not be possible to do this every single day, but any time you can accomplish this task, it will certainly be advantageous to your twins.

Twins have a unique bond that is not found in singleton siblings.  This is yet another challenge for the parents.  They will typically work together on things that they share an interest in and battle like enemies when they disagree.  While this type of bond exists somewhat with singleton siblings, this bond is a more complicated and unique one in the relationship of twins.  Teaching your twins to resolve their differences in a healthy way is more challenging than with singleton siblings as there is always the issue of that special bond they have.  An example of this bond would be how twins and multiples will work together to get something they want in sometimes unsafe ways such as climbing on each other to get to the toy on the top shelf.  They will push limits and be more daring than singleton children and their siblings.  In other words, they really know how to keep you hopping.

Despite all the challenges and issues mentioned here, there are so many good things to enjoy with twins.  You will probably find that observing this amazing bond is a privilege that only parents of multiples will ever experience.  You may even notice that they will create their own language in order to communicate with only each other.  While having to double up on supplies and having double the work, you also enjoy double the rewards with each milestone they reach.